I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize