There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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