tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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