I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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