Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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