Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
