i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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