I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
