We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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