just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
