i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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