i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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