I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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