Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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