She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im holly from the hills drunk
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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