we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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