Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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