Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize