this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
