the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dicks are not precious.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
