The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
