you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
