Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
