i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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