I want to stick my p in your. b.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
