Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize