I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
