if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I could make wine with my vomit
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
