I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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