nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
only you would photoshop your dick
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
