quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
