fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
