Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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