the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
