Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
