you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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