i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
