Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
