Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
