awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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