I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
