i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize