And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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