You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
