My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
