I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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