he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
