whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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