That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
