idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I will pee on everything he values.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
