forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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