Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize