My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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