I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i think im in europe. pls send help
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
