Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
