How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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