He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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