dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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