you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I wish there were birth control emojis
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
