so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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