also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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