ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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