If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
