My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize