Are we in a gay sports bar?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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