Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
