I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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